no fingerprint

this is motherhood!

wear and tear of a mother's fingers

to the single ladies out there, do not fear.

it is totally worth it to have lost fingerprints, to wail in pain and suffer from cracking fingers.

to new mothers, do not fear.

there will be many challenges ahead of us so let us arm ourselves and fight ahead!

it tells you so much about a mother by observing their hands :)

Sneak peek into my life

i know. im lucky to have 2 beautiful sons at this age. and a wonderful husband.

he does lots of things such as cleaning the house, only once a week. not more. i need to drill 10x more if i want him to do more than once. his reasoning was this is not his house . he will clean more often if it is his house. this, we shall see.

he also looks after kj more often than matty, of course. he prefers kj over matty , understandably, for now. because kj can chat and play and be cheeky.

he is also the dish washer. toilet cleaner. chef 40-50%.

he hates it when i ask him to hang the clothes. we line dry. so he'd prefer to use a dryer for this purpose. but i dislike dryer. we are living in malaysia cmon!

he cannot, CANNOT fold clothes. so im the only one who can do that.

hence we know who can do certain chores and who cannot, we delegate work. we are planning to come up with a timetable when we move. u bet im excited!

he washes my breast pump for me every night. because my fingers are crap.

im appreciative.

and im told i only need to suffer for a short duration when my children are young. i just need to pull through this.

this is my second week of work.

we are surviving. i zonked out every night at 9pm, latest 10pm involuntarily. i love to nurse in sleeping position so that we all can sleep together.

Then, how to get things done?

So i wake up at 5am. feels healthy getting up at dawn. no, im lying. i dread to pull myself up sometimes because I need to get up at 2am to pump milk. while pumping, i get to go online for 30 mins or more. so i'll continue my slumber party at 3am.

if i sleep later than 3am, say 3 something to 4am, means i only get an hour plus of sleep.

5am-6am i need to work around like a cartoon. i prefer to list down the things that needs to be done so that i dont missed them or end up walking front and back (of the house) getting lost, not remembering what to do. does that happen to you?

i got really upset last week but i feel a lot calmer this week. we've bought vegetables in the weekend and i can slowly plan and cook this week(days). not having anything in the fridge makes me feel insecure.

when i get upset, it affects the whole family i guess.

have u ever heard of "if mom is unhappy, no one is happy". i actually bought one fridge magnet with this verse for my mom. -_____-''

so hubs think i worry too much. that i get stressed up easily. they are totally unnecessary.

but hello? dare say if i dont run the family well, what will happen to us?

im not praising myself. what i'd like to point out is that, i cant slack and just be on the run like him. anything comes, comes.

i cant. i need to run my day according to my plan. i need to atleast have a gist of what to do in a day. before i sleep tonight, i need to know what to prepare for kj's breakfast tomorrow, what to pack in his lunch box, what do i eat for my breakfast for instance.

i cant get up in the morning and then look around the kitchen and think what to eat, what to prepare. i dont work this way.

certain things need to be prepared before hand. like if im having oats tomorrow morning, i need to prepare tonight.

honey, get it?

it is not that i am not flexible. i know that on some days, if not most, i cant execute all the things that are in my list. You have not seen my list have you?

By having the list, it gives me a direction and get things going.

It still has not sink into reality. I am still not.

At times I thought that I should free my husband. To wholeheartedly permit him to do sports and to indulge in his hobby in the evening. He’ll come home happy after that. Being a happy dad and husband, he will be a happy maid. But I uncontrollably becomes bitter. Every now and then.

He found his balance. ive lost mine.

He thinks we should not give 100% of our time to our children whilst I want to give more than 100%.

In the evenings, he’ll be out having fun while I’ll be home, running around the house as well as out of the house.

Kj will get his outdoor play in the evening and someone has to chaperone him. That would be me. Aunty will be cooking and when aunty is done , she’ll come out and take over the job while I’ll quickly run into the house and begin to prepare dinner (soak vege/defrost meat/boil soup) and make smoothies (because I will be hungry) and bring out fruits/smoothies for kj. I would prefer to feed him fruits/smoothies before meal, that would be the best time which is before his dinner.

Aunty will sometimes say “don’t eat too much fruit, later u cannot eat dinner”. Obviously it falls on deaf ears. I ignored. Isn’t that rude? ok so then sometimes I will tell her it’s okay, fruits are easily digestible, he’ll get hungry very fast. ;)

Then when the sky gets dark, the children will scramble home and matty will usually be hungry by then. So I’ll need to nurse him. Everything will be frozen when im nursing. Nothing gets done.

So dinner preparation will continue when hubs reaches home and he’ll most likely take over.

But like last night, i manage to eat before he comes home. so dinner was quick and we could bring kj home early and the child can have more play time at home. which also means more chill time before dinner as well as cutting down on TV time (he would usually be watching TV at that hour 7pm-8pm in aunty's house). i am glad hubs admitted it was a mistake to bring kj home at 8pm before this. now he make it a point to bring him home by 7pm.

Therefore I like to have cooked food stocked in the fridge to speed things up. Weekend will then be busy with cooking in bulk. On top of everything else, we still need to follow kj’s sleeping schedule, even on weekends. Grhh. It is rather challenging but what to do?

We sleep in late on weekends, and get up for breakfast/ brunch then marketing then quickly rush home for lunch and force him to take his noon nap. By the time he gets up, it’ll be almost outdoor time. We compromise everything for him! Children comes first in our household.

Not forgetting, we have a new member in the family. Matty is pretty neglected. He is not getting as much attention as I’d love to give.

Also, I found out that I was a wrecked last week because hubs and I are seeing less of one another and we do not get to ‘talk’.

Previously, we catch up in the morning on the way to work. we travel to work together in a car. And we’ll go home for lunch. And he’ll pick me up after work and we go home together. Albeit short distance from home to work, we always make full use of the time together. I guess that was what kept me sane without us realizing.

The moment I stepped home, we don’t communicate much, except giving him orders. We just cant. I’ll be zooming around the house and if the little boy is home, he wouldn’t let us talk. We also cant talk much in the car if he is around. We can have a quiet time after they sleep but it is pretty rare, because like ive mentioned, I’ll be asleep too. At times without even brushing my teeth.

I told hubs to wake me up if I fall asleep but after a few trials, nope, I just couldn’t get up. So now im smarter, I brush my teeth before I nurse.

All these make me constantly think of a solution.

Maid? We don’t have an extra room for her.

Move back? Let’s not think about it.

Preparing home cooked food is now becoming a chore but it is also a dilemma.

Living on our own means I get to control our food.

See? Im difficult to please. I want to have a control over my food. Over my children. Over my house.

What other solutions do I have?

I miss my husband. My baby.

Sept 27 2013

KJ 3 yrs 7 mths

Matty 3.5 mths

when are my 2 princes gonna get up?

love this photo :)

there is never equality at home, no matter how hard we try to equalize it :p

like for now, 10.25am, dearest kayjay is taking his morning nap, while dearest hubby is still sleeping! from last night. duh (him)

I've had my breakfast too!

:S

why do i need to sacrifice? why do i need to get up early, play with kayjay, drive to the market and buy some vege, come home and cook soup, feed kayjay his breakfast, line dry the clothes and put in another load of dirty laundry into the washing machine. I've done all these, and he still hasn't wake up.

well, we have talked about these before.

u see, i have to race to sleep at night when kj is asleep, if not i wouldn't be able to get up in the morning. that means no staying up at night for me. this is not my choice. as in, dear hub would say 'Oh u sleep early! so u wake up early and accompany kj lah'. he doesn't get it, does he? it is not that i want to sleep early, sometimes when i am engrossed in something online, i would stay up past the ghostly hours and YET, i still have to wake up together with kj. u see my point here? oh, kj usually wakes up at 6 -7am.

this is just one teeny example of what happens in our household ;)

right, next up,

im blogging using an iMac! wheeee...

chewww, big deal. well, when we received the package from DHL, we were darn excited! the pleasure wears off quite quickly after that. :S

the simplicity of the machine,

all in a box

jeng jeng,

gave him the honour to fix it

it is his Early Birthday Gift after all

*wink*

kiss kiss kj, kiss kiss

perineal massage

who dares to try this

ewww...massaging the vagina canal?


QUESTION: I have heard that I should be doing perineal massage each day in the weeks before giving birth to help avoid an episiotomy. Please tell me if this is helpful and if so, how it is done.

urghhh...would i do it? feels a bit gross to me. a bit like self-masturbation?

midnight shift in Hosp Queen E

worked 24 hours/midnight shift last night. 24th sept 2011 10pm to 25th sept 2011 7am.

second time doing it. the supposedly second time was done by hb. i decided to do it this time (third time being scheduled in timetable).

first time was when my parents were here in KK. i thought my mom could help me to look after kj at night while i was away in the hospital.

ended up, father and son camped out in the hospital that night. even the KPF (ketua pegawai farmasi) knew because she saw me pushing kj out in the stroller at 7.15am. -_-''

she only gives exception to mothers after delivery for up to a year. means if your baby is more than 1 year old, u have to do the midnight shift.

i told her i am still breastfeeding but she wouldnt change her mind.

i dont mind doing midnight shift, because i can get the next day off but my only worry is kayjay.

hence, i decided to give it another this time around. hb said he would care for kj at night but pulled out at eleventh hour. of course, back up would be babysitter.

before i sent him over to aunty's house at 9.15pm, i was holding him, nursing him and i said " kj, mommy's going to work tonight. u sleep with aunty for a night ok?"

he nod! i was a little fascinated by the NOD! he understood?

after few seconds, i decided to try again. repeating the same statement-question.

he nodded!

wow!

usually when he gets sleepy, he would only want me and not anyone else (not father or ah ma). but last night when i brought him over to babysis house, he went over to aunty. :( sob. felt a a little tug in my heart. but no choice.

we gave both our cellphone numbers to the aunty, for emergency if she couldnt handle kj midnight.

was a little sad that my phone didnt ring at all. :)

anyway, it was over! head felt dizzy in the morning and nauseous. came home at 7.15am, kj was still sleeping, so i quickly jump under the cover and sleep.

alright! just to document this =P ciao!

photo captured 20-sept-2011

reminisce

i miss having this view the moment i open the fridge!

advertisement: melon kitkat from japan!

Clarins - stretch mark control cream

costing an arm and a leg!

RM180 per tube

could last for a month or so!

ive used more than 10 bottles of BIO-OIL

big bottle, could get it for about RM45

they say stretch marks is hereditary and i believe

there wasnt any marks on my tummy until when 5-6 mths of pregnancy,

suddenly they just explode

real creepy

looks exactly like a watermelon

i took photos ;)

hb is being a nuisance when he didnt want to help me to snap pics

the stretch marks grows at the bottom of the belly. i cant quite see the marks unless i stand in front of the mirror, to see them clearly

so i told him to snap pics for me to see

he refused and reasoned that u cannot take pics of pregnant lady at night

pfffft

i had to force him in the end

i always get my way with hb ;)

feels nostalgic screening through the photo album

see the little one yawns

=)

just 18 months and im missing the moment already

how lahhh

ah phang mocked,

am i addicted to giving birth?

*chuckle*

nonspecific post

kj at 16 months old. jamming on the keys on the piano. hopefully he wouldnt repel this musical box in future :D



also at 16 months old. he loves balls. anything spherical, he would point out and utter BALL :)



4 boxes of ferrero rocher and chocolates all the way from Langkawi, free trade zone. i know, labuan is incredible near as compared to langkawi but well, free stuff! who wouldnt want? :p
brought to us from Your Highness =)
hb loves to junk! i was thinking if being a parent inhibits one from junking? what do u think?
my parents rarely junk, no titbits, except on food like kacang putih, muruku and prawn crackers, those sorts. they dont take chocolate, twisties, ice cream, pringles and etc.
whereas hb keeps on buying them each time we go for grocery shopping!
worse is when he eats in front of KJ. it gets on my nerves when KJ wants a taste of what his father is having. hence i have banned him from JUNKING in front of my son! u wanna eat? can, get out of the room, out of our view. hee hee
i can restrain myself the 'rubbish'. i thought im bad enough (thinking of all the junks during younger days) but hb is ugh! despicable. he MUST buy pringles whenever he sees them. and there could be times when he would neeeed to munch while watching TV. terrible. :)

i hope this wont deter u from wanting to be a parent? :D this could be one issue to think of when you are one. u need to set up rules in the house when bringing up a kid. for example, if your hb thinks it is OKAY bringing your kid to KFC? it is NOT okay for me. i do know a paediatrician who feeds her children fastfood at the age of 2 ;)

bringing up a child is not easy. be sure to have your husband's support, if not, compromise and stick to the agreement.







this was me, carrying kayjay. regretted not taking more photos. it was about 5-6 months of the pregnancy then :) not really huge i would say ;)

growing appetite

ever seen this?
yellow dragon fuit
2 biji for RM14.17 in Pick and Pay
very expensive!
but for the sake of trying, hb bought it

the seeds are comparatively larger than the normal ones
but oh man! the flesh are exceptionally sweet!!!

*grins*
the little one enjoys it!

quinoa + millet + carrot + chicken

quinoa +millet+rice + chicken

cracked one kampung egg into the porridge when it is cooked

the hot porridge will cook the egg yolk

why did i add in the egg? it is tasteless

i did that because i want to give protein

give egg yolk first before giving whites

egg is one of the top 8 allergen and the whites is believed to be allergenic

read more in wholesomebabyfood

although kj has no problems with any food, no allergy,

i want to play safe

frustration lingers each time i referred to Annabel Karmel

most of the recipes call for ingredients which we cannot get it locally

pffftt

couldnt stand it any longer, i pulled hb to Merdeka Supermarket in Lido (it is sort of a cold storage where it sells imported products)

i was thrilled to see butternut squash and courgette there

hb said BUY when he saw me hesitating

thank u honey!

butternut squash RM13.86

i chose the cheapest courgette, i do not need a big one, RM7 something

chopped butternut squash into pieces and throw it into the rice + water

allow them to cook and thats it

the red bits are capsicum :)

i added in one cube of red capsicum (with a few more ingredients which ive cooked and freeze)

this was how i prepare the courgette

fry courgette (deskin), carrots, onion, chicken breast and thigh (thigh has more iron as it is considered red meat, some sort like that) in butter

chuck them into the blender

normal blender will do

add some water, drinking water if the blender doesnt spin

done!

what i do now is that i cook plain porridge and i'll add different cubes each meal

say in the morning he can have chicken and evening meal he'll have something else ;)

variation is my objective

beef!

yes! i gave him beef this weekend!

13 months old!

i dare not start this earlier because chinese thinks beef is heaty

this buy was impromptu

we were cruising around in Tong Hing Supermarket last thursday and i happened to lay my eyes this!

i was thinking, why not?

australian chilled beef cube

for stewing

there was another type, for dont know what, dont remember

again, i picked the cheapest

we are sick in our head

i feel safe cooking this for kj in comparison to the beef sold in the local pasar

whats our problem?

dont trust our local farmers?

well, whatever u say :p

okay, here is how i prepare the beef

i separate it into two. half of it, i minced it and fry it with onion+carrot+ potato+tomato (deskin). (?garlic? dont remember if i added in)

i read somewhere , or was it i watched it in astro, one italian chef commented that tomato skin is not digestible. bla bla bla, i stored it in my brain as - tomato skin is bad. i shared this with fh but he said if the skin is not digestible, means it is fibrous? it helps in digestion? hence it is good? hmmm...im a little confused. whatever. i still eat tomato skin but i think i better not give it to kj. if you are curious, goggle it and let me know :)

served this with porridge. i was busy last weekend as jason visited so i pass over kj to aunty on saturday evening while the adults went to watch 127.

aunty said kj ate very slowly, but he finished the entire pot! amazing!

i froze half in the fridge. will let him finish it this week.

what about the other half of the beef? i made beef broth!

wash the beef. boil water and add in white radish, carrot, potato, 1/4 onion and when the water boils, add in the beef and boil in low heat. found some wilt chinese celery in the fridge so i picked a few fresh-looking leaves and add in to the soup! wow! the soup rocks!

after the broth cooled down, i poured them into milk bags and freeze it!

i could use it to cook porridge for KJ or either use it to cook pasta sauce!

will get more beef more tong hing! gotta load him with iron! :D

love cooking for the little one!

what he eats

Heinz Organic biscotti

got this from jusco

there were only a few packets left and i knew they (the biscuits) werent in good condition anymore but i just grabbed one

as predicted, the biscuits were all broken and crumbled

i did give them to KJ, for him to get a taste of the biscuit

baby bites - carrot taste

good stuff!

i started off with the teething rusks when kj was 10-11 mths old
i refused to give all these but relented when hb insisted on our trip back to ipoh in dec 2010.
after inspecting the big and small wordings on the box, i began to appreciate it!
kj is on the second box now, the one on the left, bread sticks with cheese.
it is not salty at all
these products are just fantastic!

at the beginning, dear son would hold on to the stick and grind it.

now, he can bite off the stick! and choke on it if it breaks to smaller pieces.
dangerous aye?
therefore, never leave your kids alone when they are eating these

maybe kayjay is also greedy, he would stuff the entire stick into the mouth
-_-'''
he is the type where before he finishes his food, he would open his mouth for more
:)

his stock of frozen food
ebm (expressed breast milk) at the top

dont remember what this was
looks like oats
he can take plain oats
super convenient for me, especially when we are travelling

i prefer to give rolled oats that needs to be cooked rather than instant ones
whatever that is instant is just evil, no?
but now that he is already 1 yrs old, i would cover one eyes
back in peninsular, i would use instant oats at whoever's house that we are staying at
namely 5th ee's house, popo's house in ipoh

sometimes i stew apples to be added into the oats

this is a really quick and simple meal when we are on the run

i would stew apples and mash them and freeze
whenever kj is home with me during the weekends,
i can add the apples into yogurt

like just now when we went out breakfast,
i packed 2tsp of stewed apples with 1 cube of apricot into 2 tsp of yogurt for him

the green one is broccoli
white one is chicken

chicken recipe:
olive oil + onions + leek + small pieces of chicken breast
saute them
i did not add any seasoning at all but they taste good, with the sweetness from onion and leek
lastly, blend

i would defrost one cube at a time and add into plain porridge
i did not exactly give JUST porridge, as in rice
alternately i would give barley, rice + quinoa + millet

selfconflict

caught in between. dilemma

this happens to everyone.

like now, hb is out with friends while im home, spreading both my feets, each touching one corner of the bed, with a roll of tissue beside and astro-on-demand playing in the background. KJ is with babysis despite today being a public holiday.

part of me wants to go shopping, another part of me needs the rest.

it is ME-time!! a long awaited luxury! i kid u not!

im down with flu.

ive just realized that i havent gotten a long-uninterrupted peaceful sleep, for a very very long time.

i almost thought of giving up breastfeeding last night.

it was difficult, with blocked nose and throbbing head. i wanted to stay home after sending kayjay over to babysis's house so that i could replace irreplaceable-sleep. but it is hub's birthday! i couldnt be a spoiler as we have dated to have breakie with ah kong and william at Gunters. the buffet breakfast was BAD. yuck! rm8 per person, what do i expect? ehee. the staff- ah gua- was smitten by hub. which was really funny! he threw many lines at hub and when hub waved goodbye at the end, he even mouthed LOVE U! lols!

anyway,
i need to talk about breastfeeding.
bf-ing is really not easy.
u need to give up on many things.

on social life
cant take part in medical camp
cant do sports
say bye bye to vanity?
wear breastfeeding-friendly attire

hence i always dont understand how the working moms do it. they can be so well-groomed while managing their house well, together with having well behaved, cleanly groomed kids [sometimes u see well-worn parents lugging around dirty children. what an eye-sore]

well, these parents have my utmost respect

if i stop bf-ing, i could do sports -> better body? haha
i could read novels, read magazines, i could study and score better (prp), less stress. go for facials. wear dresses. u cant wear dress when breastfeeding. how to? pull up the dress, all the way up to the chest? lols! unless if u can pull down the shoulder strap.
i would also have more time to do household chores, wouldnt i? i should stop feeling guilty, giving directions to hub to clean the house. i hope he wont hangat hangat tahi ayam and would continuously have the omph to do the cleaning EVERY WEEK! =)

but kayjay would have less antibodies, weaker health *touch wood* less bonding. perhaps dont want to come to me as often as compared to babysitter? he would lunged towards babysis each time she extends her palms or calls out to KJ


anyway, happy birthday hub. ive surprised u with ipad, so wont be doing anything today. furthermore, im sick! u should serve me :p

KAYJAY's NEW HAIR CUT
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popo cut

mohawk -ah beng wannabe!

conflict
he is so cute
irresistible
but yet becoming cranky
repels me a little
bad mommy!!

kayjay has changed

just got back from peninsular. balik kampung for about 10 days. it was tiring, travelling from KL up north to ipoh and penang and kedah. we flew from a/star back to KK.

now that we are back in KK, kj seems different. crying/whimpering every now and then.

im maidless and im so so thankful that hub did the entire house yesterday [saturday]. i wanted to help out. it was the other way round. hub is suppose to help me out but instead he did everything. from bedroom to the kitchen, to the living room and the laundry area, as well as the bathroom. my. i did not expect kayjay to be this difficult. i wanted to put him to sleep so that i can quickly get the housework done BUT he was actually nursing for comfort! good lord! so the moment i un-latched, he whimpered. sigh.

it made me think, if it is time for me to give up? to stop nursing? there are many reasons that i can give.

i'll write again.

babywearing and baby's meal

i love this photo

baby-wearing dad

glad hb loves the angelpack (brand name)

this is called babywearing by the way

they dont come cheap

u can google the many benefits of babywearing your child

dont simply buy one off the shelf from your neighbourhood supermarket, some of them are bad for the spine

do some homework before purchasing

sigh, as usual, the good ones come with "a" price tag

it gets on my nerves if kj goes out un-shed

umbrella is mandatory

~KAYJAY"S MENU this weekend~

sat breakfast

white potato + carrot + garlic

this is the first time im adding spices to his meal

he ate them! phew!

oatmeal. organic.

sat dinner

oat + eggyolk

sorry darling, mommy cant afford to buy u peaches

tonghing sells 3 for RM20?

too dear my dear

i lamented on why the avocados were out of stock last week?

so i jumped on them the moment i saw them on saturday

my eyeballs bulged after weighing them

2 biji for RM15?

gracious me!

sunday breakfast

purple/japanese sweet potato + avocado

i didnt sieve them

trying to feed coarser food

i began with thicker food last week and also on saturday

then i decided not to sieve today

he seems to be doing 'okay'

gave him honeydew when we went out for teatime today

he loves it

but aunty said he didnt like honeydew

i still havent gotten around to make yogurt so havent let him try that

mango is too ex. 2 biji for dont-know-how-much-already. was it rm8? so i decided not to go for it

the man said there are no local mangoes hence the mangoes are imported

tofu is also on the waiting list

bought ANNABEL KARMEL cooking book for babies to toddler yday!

not cheap! but hope they'll be in good use

nites!