when i was a clinical pharmacist

omg! found this in my mailbox and since I've typed it a complete story, might as well post it although it was dated way back in Oct 2010!! lols!

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venue: pharmacy office

i know i shouldnt be doing this but i really can't help it. i dont know where to turn to .

im at the verge of breaking down

clinical is drivnig me nuts. it makes me feel like im the most idiotic living person. he would go "U SEE, i ask u to read before u come. i gave u time to prepare (he gave me a list of things that i should do 2-3 months back) so that when u come to situations like this, we can discuss. what parameters to look at. u see? now u dont know anything, how do i discuss with u? how do u know what lab test to look at?

u should read up. u need to think lke the doctors."

firstly, i would like to read. but i also want to read up about parenting, about how to start teaching my son sign language - baby sign. i also need to read up on a lot of things like what to feed my son. look up in the internet why my son dislikes my cooking.

so it regrets me to the core that i dont have a strong basic. ive whiled away my uni days. i didnt build a strong foundation. given a chance,i would want to turn back time and reverse many other things.

next, to aggravate the current situation, my hb had to disappoint me again. we have been discussing about the same issue during courting days, or atleast it matters to me, i am the one having this issue. i said this because i dont thinik this bothers him at all. another problem is, i dont even know if he knows this is bothering me and i am quite particular about it. that is responsiblity, u need to be accountable. doesnt matter if it is about ur partner, if it is family or work. so u tell me u are responsible in uni. u are a class rep. hence u are accountable. huh? if u are accountable in uni, why cant u be accountable at home? so u prioritize and hence put work before home?

if u are a responsible person, do u, or can u actually choose which 'issue' to be acocuntable?

what are u talking about?

before i am in clinical, i already know that im doomed. my future in my profession is doomed. but being in clinical is like slapping myself awake everyday, telling me how disabled i am.

i am so so free, under this preceptor, after rounds, he let me do my own thing. so my day goes like this. reach work place about 7.30am, flip through the case notes of a few front patients, then 8am when he comes, tag along like a dog, staring at pts, look at what SN is doing. then specialist comes, follow them with an empty brain, like a dog, sniffing through the case notes. end of round. specialist cabut, frp cabut. i quickly clerk case without knowing what is really happening. i clerk for the sake of clerking, so that i can achieve the target and hand in the forms at the end of the rotation. when im done with them? i go and prepare meals for my son, that is to pump milk. then? i dont know what else to do. well, as for today, i came to the office, and read up on certain things. and here i am, blogging away.

i feel like going home. like who knows if i do that? haih. but i know is it ethically incorrect.

oh, 12.45pm, time to go! byee !

Update: 17th Feb 2012

guys, i was actually contemplating if i should remove the family affair paragraph.

we are in our third year of marriage and that is a history now :) glad to be saying this.

we've talked through it and i've believed that home/ us is his first prioritization. well, since it is already there, might as well just let it remained as it is. look at it positively, learn from my story. ;)

kiss daddy

tongue exercise

playing with my butterfly ring

midnight shift in Hosp Queen E

worked 24 hours/midnight shift last night. 24th sept 2011 10pm to 25th sept 2011 7am.

second time doing it. the supposedly second time was done by hb. i decided to do it this time (third time being scheduled in timetable).

first time was when my parents were here in KK. i thought my mom could help me to look after kj at night while i was away in the hospital.

ended up, father and son camped out in the hospital that night. even the KPF (ketua pegawai farmasi) knew because she saw me pushing kj out in the stroller at 7.15am. -_-''

she only gives exception to mothers after delivery for up to a year. means if your baby is more than 1 year old, u have to do the midnight shift.

i told her i am still breastfeeding but she wouldnt change her mind.

i dont mind doing midnight shift, because i can get the next day off but my only worry is kayjay.

hence, i decided to give it another this time around. hb said he would care for kj at night but pulled out at eleventh hour. of course, back up would be babysitter.

before i sent him over to aunty's house at 9.15pm, i was holding him, nursing him and i said " kj, mommy's going to work tonight. u sleep with aunty for a night ok?"

he nod! i was a little fascinated by the NOD! he understood?

after few seconds, i decided to try again. repeating the same statement-question.

he nodded!

wow!

usually when he gets sleepy, he would only want me and not anyone else (not father or ah ma). but last night when i brought him over to babysis house, he went over to aunty. :( sob. felt a a little tug in my heart. but no choice.

we gave both our cellphone numbers to the aunty, for emergency if she couldnt handle kj midnight.

was a little sad that my phone didnt ring at all. :)

anyway, it was over! head felt dizzy in the morning and nauseous. came home at 7.15am, kj was still sleeping, so i quickly jump under the cover and sleep.

alright! just to document this =P ciao!

photo captured 20-sept-2011

forensic and housemates

i passed forensic!! so glad! phew! was having palpitation when i heard one colleague shrieked with joy that she passed and my fate was still unknown!

rejoice rejoice!!

there are so many reasons on why i cannot fail!

ive sent in my Surat Penempatan! applied for QE 1, QE 2 and Klinik Kesihatan Luyang.

also, my housemates are moving out! im happy about that as well :p obviously i'll miss them but finally i can have the kitchen to myself!

BUT, chunsiang and yewcheer might be my new housemates. not sure what will happen in the future but if they are moving in to the masterbedroom, then we will not rent out the small room and will turn it into a guestroom or a wardrobe room + ironing room. whee! the living room wouldnt be cluttered with hb clothes/kj's belongings

yewcheer and partner will cook im sure, hence i hope they would always keep the place clean, like really clean, wipe off specks of flour or droplets of water after each use for example.

also we can reach an agreement on the cooking time. i need to cook before we bring kayjay home :(

alright! toodles

time off again this evening so that i can iron clothes! haha

im thinking now how to move in the ironing board so that i can watch astro on demand while ironing ;)

liberation!~

mygoodness!

im taking 5 hours time-off this morning to stay home to iron clothes.

WHAT?

are u kidding me?

5 hours to IRON CLOTHES?

urm, 1 piece / hour?

ahahhaha

erm, as well as to blog? :D

since i have the time of the world, without kj, ops, i need to de-clutter my blog!
and i found this MELAKA POST since ive uploaded the blog, i might as well post it up.

hb sneered at me, ooOOO nobody reads your blog anymore. can close down your blog. dont have to blog already -_-''

i feel like punching him

hello? what is the reason i blog?

definitely not to get readers. im not earning from my blog.

it provides a space for me to document certain epics of my life, a column where i can vent my anger and rant and grumble till there is no tomorrow, to let off my steam, and a place where i can update my friends with my activities and status.

i have been reading many mommy blogs this week and it made me long to get my own blog, with my own domain.

what i detest most about blogspot is the uploading of photos system! or whatever u call it. im bad with geeky vocabs :p

photos are important to me. i love seeing blogs with photos so i'd need to post photos in my blog!

lauyee told me it cost RM50 per year to maintain one blog with your own domain? how true is that i wonder.
50 ringgit is affordable

few more days before i hand in my Surat Penempatan and a handful of logbooks! i cant wait to set myself free!!


i can blog more often! im getting motivated to document kayjay's progress and blog more about my family, lest i forget (highly possible), especially the anecdotes.


need to revamp my blog's layout or something... :)

toodles

ure not the greatest

ive gone through a month of clinical. yet im still alive. i thought i was going to die. although i did feel like dying.

ha-ha.

what is this? die die post.

anyway, yeah, u wouldnt believe what i am going to tell u next.

i cried in front of my preceptor. one frapping frp. ugh.

we need to complete 3 wards in clinical rotation. 1 ward = 2 weeks.

hence, ive braced 2 wards, which make that 1 month. i cant wait to quickly skim through this remaining 2 weeks.

how did that incident happen? i know, most of u will be interested in that.

it happened just , erm, thursday i think? yeah, cause then the frp took leave on friday, which is such a joy and blessing!

ohkay. we were in ward on that fateful day. early in the morning. one patient passed away and it caused quite a stir in the ward. everyone was running around etc. then few specialist came and wanted to review one patient. obviously, this patient has many complications. he had a uncontrolled fits on top of all the complexity so when they were discussing about the patient, i tried to give some input. i wasnt really giving any ideas or opinions of my own, i was just INFORMING them of what happened yesterday, when the question propped up.

means when the doctors asked something, i offered to answer them. i told them, informed them what medicine was given yesterday.

after they were done with this patient, the frp called me in to his room. we both sat down, and he started bombarding. me.

he explained that i was wrong to do that..etc etc etc..yada yada...

sorry, of course what happened above wasnt the only story, there were slightly more to it but i find it difficult to explain in detail here.

so to sum it up, i got screwed. and embarrassingly, i cried halfway through the fracas. he didnt listen to my explanation. so then i know what type he is hence i kept quiet through out. tears kept streaming down my face and THANK GOD i had on my face mask. the wonders of face mask. u know, with a face mask on, u can yawn without covering your face and can do a lot of nonsense behind without people knowing. so fun :p

anyway, yeah, after he gave me an earful, i went to the bathroom and wash up.

haih. btw intec people, dhina is in queen! in kota kinabalu! ;) she is in my ward and she asked " what happened to u? why is ur eyes red?"

oh, i brushed it off and said i couldnt stand the family (referring to the patient who passed away that morning) sorry dude, gotta use u. please forgive me.

oh, what a tale.

" clinical is very tough right?"

i never said it wasnt. and i never said i wanted to be in! im not those bpharmers!

"u see! dont know where is the info in the book? got book also dont know where to find!" hello? i dont even own this book(lexicom), i dont use it, so how the hell do i know where to flip?

" got book in front of u also dont know the answer"

people, i was looking at the book, reading out the answer but he said wrong. wrong answer.

"use your brain to think! ur brain is to do what?....... is not to study only, is to think!"

"study study also no use wan, need to think! thats why i keep tell u people...........etc etc etc"

"so how? study already? want to discuss? or dont want to discuss already?

" so how? any questions? no questions? then i ask u questions"

got questions ask u also no use. ask like not asking. cause he will ask me to go back and read and find :S

"dont answer back! when i say u are wrong means u are wrong. definitely there are reasons. go back and check!"

"i know u are keen to learn. but really, ur knowledge is way below standard. next time please check with me before u do any intervention! u think ure so smart huh? bla bla bla"

i didnt do any intervention of my own. i didnt suggest anything of my own. i suggested what he had suggested to the HO. furthermore, the HO referred to her specialist before ordering the drug. and i never thought i was smart. i never said or acted like i know a lot. i always said i am dumb. i wasnt confident at all in clinical so how could i go about offering people my views? i kept quiet most of the time. so i felt a lil useless, following the doctors on round. i DONT know how to do intervention. i dont know what dose is right. what is wrong.

i did do a few silly mistakes like telling the doctor Tablet azithromycin is 500mg od and IV is 400mg od. damn! i even said I AM SURE about this! -_-'''

why want to memorize so many guideline? why need to?

i havent even had time to read about baby signing which im suppose to do with kayjay and now i need to memorize guidelines.

btw, we dont do that in our uni duh. so dont expect everyone to be the same.

and not everyone study everyday when they go home NOW. we have a life. unlike you. you shouldnt force people to lead the same lifestyle as u. what about my son? who will play with him when he comes home? i should ditch him and memorize guideline for u? who will plan what meals to prepare for kayjay?

your experience did contribute to your knowledge today, dont deny that!

ok, that is all about this. i want to blog about kayjay next! =)

contemptuous frp

"u will kill people in ward! im just being honest here!"

"wwahhhhh ur antibiotic is so bad"

"u need to present like the doctors! then only we are up to par with them. then only we can stand up and discuss with them. then only our profession can be looked up to"

"u have to think like the doctors, then u will know what they are up to"

"what is the difference between artemisinin and quinine? i give u tips. look at the pharmacokinetics, the half life, the MOA"

"give me 10 reaons why ceftriaxone is good?"

sienness

i know im dumb. i forgot 90% of what ive learnt in uni.

its good that u scold us and ask us many questions, so that we can go home and ready.

but there are ways to do it. the last thing that u should do MOCKING.

u drive people's self esteem down the hill.

no doubt im under lots of stress under your tutelage,

good and bad

bad that i fall asleep even before my son does,

before 9pm im already in deep slumber

happy when dear son sleeps early

bad when dear son wakes up in the night and i cant stay awake to coo him

good when i come home with a little enthusiasm,

hoping to study my s off after dinner

good that i can forget everything else when i come home to kayjay and finally break into a wide smile

bad that i seems to forget that i should study when i see kayjay

i can just look at kayjay for hours and not do anything else. is this good or bad?

please do not USE my son!!!

backlog

my mommy can spot me at night!

glow in the dark pants bought by dear dad

darndest

cmon KJ! bite it!

pisses u when u bolt to the room and this greets u?

i dont want to study:(

study is one thing

memorizing is another!

i need to memorize guideline-s

note the s please

right. anyway,

kayjay can crawl!

starting last monday, i was aware

he came home and we realized he inched forward

we got so excited and hence try to lure him forward with remote control, astro's and ps3 joystick.

think kayjay would grow up to be a gadget geek? haha!

he loves the remotes

right, back to his crawling.

he cant commando crawl.

he uses both his arms to pull his body forward.

he inches around the bed from monday till yesterday

however, he began to crawl from bed to the floor this afternoon!

that was a feat i would say

and i have a hunch, the nightmare begins

note to myself, i would need to scrub the bedroom floor every sat and sun

so that he can crawl around the room

no way im letting him out of the territory

way too filthy outside

besides, he loves to put things into his mouth

worse is that he would lick the floor?

i hate to imagine it

next,

i failed to keep count on the number of falls

here are a few that ive managed to capture ;)

i was in the room but wasnt aware of this

he was quiet, played on his own

next,

this time he wailed

awww he had to give u this look

*************************

limited edition photo!

haha!

yummeh kayjay?

=)

my job in jeopardy?

im very paranoid when it comes to matters involving KJ.

like yesterday, i got to know that the nanny feeds him sweets! I SO WANT TO BEAT HER UP!

how could she??!?!?

i mean, ok, im exaggerating. :P she didnt FEED KJ sweets, but she let him tastes! and she said he likes it!

duh!

who wouldnt?

i want to build a strong foundation for him.

u cannot be fussy when your children is looked after by someone else.

I KNOW THIS FACT!

ive swallowed many incidents!

for example,

the aunty secretly fed kj with an unknown syrup, 2 weeks ago when he was down with flu!

hello?

i mean, no, it should not be secretly, the word should be WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! can i sue her!?!?

it couldnt be any worse when she couldnt tell me what medicine it is. she said it belonged to another girl. the info she could provide me was the syrup is orange in colour.

huh?

i fed him a wee bit only, very littttttttttttle only, i dare not give much also, she said.

-_-'''

i was a little unhappy when she told me about it. sigh.

2 more weeks before KJ turns 6 months old. i am really anxious to get things ready for solid feeding.

i need to have bowls, spoons and maybe a sippy cup.

im reading so much on solid feeding and it made me wonder, why am i not reading about Hep A and Hep C relating to HIV? dammit. i need to hand in the assignment by end of the month.

:(

speaking of that, let me relate another story.

this week im in enforcement. instead of having lots of free time, i was quite occupied earlier this week.

i was dragged along to check on premises so my pumping time goes haywire.

milk supply has decreased and on one of the days, i didnt get to pump for 4 hours!

i was so mad that i thought i was going to speak to the boss.

i actually ran through the conversation in my head.

it went like this :

me: boss, im serious about my work. but i am also very serious about my son. i dont know if u have children, i dont know if u have breastfeed before, but i prioritize my son before my job. i am committed to do my best for my son, hence i am ready to go all out to breastfeed my son.

............

lols

apparently, after relieving myself (the breasts become soft and spongy again), i decided to put the act on hold :p

i went home and spoke to hb.

sigh.

another week more to go.

i hope i can survive.

i am at a stage where " kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang"

how much i expressed today will be used tomorrow.

i do not have any extra supply.

either i take metoclopramide or domperidone or i buy formula milk or i EL...or...

i dont know :(

sad

hopefully i'll regain my supply this weekend

chaoz!

5pm!

time to punch card!

omg omg! i have to spill this!

i AM smitten by a dr!!

omgggGGG! help!!!!

he is cute , no 1!

he is a specialist ! no 2!

fh teases me sometimes, to make matters worse!

what on earth is happening?

hormone imbalance is the culprit?

help help!!

he is so cuteeeeeeee

tell me that im perasan! cause im quite sure he likes me too! ahahAHAHHAHAHA

cmon people! laugh!!! :DDD

he asked me out for dinner! wheeewit!! thanks to a patient! she asked him to ask me out! whoohoo!!!

ahahahhaahahaha

and he asked if i want to play badminton!

it is so OMG right???

and i am so crazy over kayjay!!!!

i'd rather watch him sleep and not read up on diabetic drugs or do my antifungal report! :S

ive watched spykids!!

yesterday (saturday) was the first time we argued in 'public'

it was about his driving skills

his negligence (in my opinion)

let me explain one by one. 'public' means, in the living room, where 2 housemates can hear us eventhough they were in their rooms but with their doors opened, and 3 house-keepers. *ha!*

wasn't that cool?

as for his negligence, he is always VERY CARELESS when he is driving. he said i complained too much when he is behind the wheel. but if he were to drive carefully, then would i at the first place nag? so he became stressed when i nag, then what about me? i would be stressed as well when he doesnt drive properly!

do u know that to that extent, that he is lazy to use the clutch when he is driving a manual? goodness me! dont drive then if ure LAZY! the car would jerk if u dont use it. he is even LAZY when it comes to changing gears.

what else? he can miss a turning, make that numerous turnings (max 2 so far) in A ride home. a 15 minutes ride home, he can miss 2 turnings all together.

????

what's the explanation?

a man handling multi-million business wouldnt even be that careless, would he?

tell me about brain-occupied hence the forgetfulness.

huge DUH!

we've been arguing about his driving wayyyyyy back in IMU.

he couldnt concentrate and would miss turnings even in KL. (hence not a recent disease)

u'd think he would shut the hell up when i yell?

NO! he would sometimes retort with ULTRA LAME excuses! i cant exactly remember them. perhaps things like he doesn't know the way. this would inflame me seriously! like HELLO? it is like telling me you dont know the way home. then i would burst and snapped WHY DIDNT U ASK ME THEN!??!?!?!

it would also enrage me when he said he forgot the way. blardy!

so we said, nope, more like i said, i suggested that the best way to this problem is! THAT I DRIVE! settles everything, no?

tsk tsk tsk. guys and their ego.

imagine me fetching him, and our housemates, who happened to be his batchmates.

ahahhaahhaha

though this has never happened, but would, soon! HA!HA!

i have to be an idiot and point where to turn sometimes, just in case if he decided to conveniently forget (how do i know when he would miss a turning?), and he would go 'i know i know' and i would just ignore him when im in the mood and continue pointing.

obviously, dont get me wrong.

when im angry, i would get over it quickly after spilling them.

how could I get angry with such a man when he comes up with such video? i print-screen this photo from the video. made me go 'awwwww' when i see the 2009-forever. how attentive of him to put "- forever"! ahhaahhaha im a psycho i know, but truthfully, the first thing that entered my mind when i saw that word was WOW, how thoughtful of him!

:)

well, this is not all about my new life.

about marriage

we'll do it bit by bit ok? lols!

woh-k!

time for me to go get my case notes done!

sigh

dont know lots of things.

FRP: million?

me: yes? *jovially*

FRP: how come u everything also dont know wan?

me: ha? i also dont know why i dont know.

PA: aiyah, slowly la, shez learning ma.

me: yealoh yealoh, give me some time. i am learning now.

how embarrassing.

nope, im not actually that embarrassed. i felt stupid BUT YET i want someone to teach me! as in, i already know i lack of knowledge, but i need people to teach me!

what i do now in IPP is to screen the medications (they seemed to be normal to me :S cause i dont know what is wrong you see. i dont know what cant be given with what) im suppose to detect wrong dosage or wrong frequency or interactions, but i am oblivious to them all. ??? how do i know? i dont have time to go through all the drugs one by one!

so, the screening part is always fine to me :S

next would be filling and checking. if i do the filling, then someone else has to check. and vice versa.

mmm....this is really continuous education. i need to find ways to feed my brain.

i want to be like the FRPs, where they can intervene and argue with the doctors! ;)

ekekkekekeke

till then!

cheerio!

affable jack

i know. has been eons since i last showed up!

although i have plans of what im going to post up following the phantom period, i doubt i'll do it soon, im the procrastinating queen! so to hell with it. i like to build castles in the air, tsk tsk, bad habit.

anyway, im DYING to blog. :S

k, first of all, i'll just make a brief summary. im married! YAY!!! :S

and this is my husband -_-''''

ahhahaha!

ok.

im currently in kota kinabalu,

slaving in hospital queen elizabeth,

in short, HQE.

btw btw,

im actually excited to unfold an event which occurred this afternoon.

in all honesty, i do enjoy reading and listening to peoples' stories about their workplace incidents.

so i'd like to share mine as well ;)

today is my second day in IPP (in-patient pharmacy),

3rd station in HQE.

and i am enjoying it.

despite being engrossed in filling and checking drug charts,

ive fallen in love with JACK!

:)))

he is soooooo nice!

he merely called to my satellite pharmacy and i was smitten by his personality and his voice!

he's an HO!

wahaha!

oh duh, u'd think an MO would be courteous?

anyway, dr.jack called and i apologetically told him i was new, so i couldnt answer his questions.

heck, whats oral resonium? oral kalimate?

i even called back and gave him the wrong answer.

screw me.

then i called him AGAIN, 3 times in total,

just to get the correct dose for kalimate.

despite everything, he was immensely pleasant.

he is also very humble,

simply because he referred himself as JACK, instead of DR. jack.

see how these details can affect oneself?

mmmmMMMmmmm

he's my ignition!

ahhahaahah

stirred up the blogging flame i mean :p

in within a month,

i've learnt to walk with my nose HIGHHHH in the air when i spot NOSY doctors from afar

most of them are MOs.

(Medical Officer)

WHy so LC?

(abbrev for lansi)

so when we glide pass one another,

we'll see whose nose is nearer to the sky!

-_-'''

dont worry,

the tip of my nose is not burnt,

cause i applied lotsa sunblock before leaving for work.

lame joke

well i tell you!

this place is atrociously HOT!

the sun's rays have no mercy.

garhh!

hmm...guess i should make a leave STAT!

else i would yab incessantly.

toodles!

i hereby attached some photos simply for some entertainment

;)

sesat huh?

why do ppl find it romantic to be up in the eye?

LONDON EYE?