ure not the greatest

ive gone through a month of clinical. yet im still alive. i thought i was going to die. although i did feel like dying.

ha-ha.

what is this? die die post.

anyway, yeah, u wouldnt believe what i am going to tell u next.

i cried in front of my preceptor. one frapping frp. ugh.

we need to complete 3 wards in clinical rotation. 1 ward = 2 weeks.

hence, ive braced 2 wards, which make that 1 month. i cant wait to quickly skim through this remaining 2 weeks.

how did that incident happen? i know, most of u will be interested in that.

it happened just , erm, thursday i think? yeah, cause then the frp took leave on friday, which is such a joy and blessing!

ohkay. we were in ward on that fateful day. early in the morning. one patient passed away and it caused quite a stir in the ward. everyone was running around etc. then few specialist came and wanted to review one patient. obviously, this patient has many complications. he had a uncontrolled fits on top of all the complexity so when they were discussing about the patient, i tried to give some input. i wasnt really giving any ideas or opinions of my own, i was just INFORMING them of what happened yesterday, when the question propped up.

means when the doctors asked something, i offered to answer them. i told them, informed them what medicine was given yesterday.

after they were done with this patient, the frp called me in to his room. we both sat down, and he started bombarding. me.

he explained that i was wrong to do that..etc etc etc..yada yada...

sorry, of course what happened above wasnt the only story, there were slightly more to it but i find it difficult to explain in detail here.

so to sum it up, i got screwed. and embarrassingly, i cried halfway through the fracas. he didnt listen to my explanation. so then i know what type he is hence i kept quiet through out. tears kept streaming down my face and THANK GOD i had on my face mask. the wonders of face mask. u know, with a face mask on, u can yawn without covering your face and can do a lot of nonsense behind without people knowing. so fun :p

anyway, yeah, after he gave me an earful, i went to the bathroom and wash up.

haih. btw intec people, dhina is in queen! in kota kinabalu! ;) she is in my ward and she asked " what happened to u? why is ur eyes red?"

oh, i brushed it off and said i couldnt stand the family (referring to the patient who passed away that morning) sorry dude, gotta use u. please forgive me.

oh, what a tale.

" clinical is very tough right?"

i never said it wasnt. and i never said i wanted to be in! im not those bpharmers!

"u see! dont know where is the info in the book? got book also dont know where to find!" hello? i dont even own this book(lexicom), i dont use it, so how the hell do i know where to flip?

" got book in front of u also dont know the answer"

people, i was looking at the book, reading out the answer but he said wrong. wrong answer.

"use your brain to think! ur brain is to do what?....... is not to study only, is to think!"

"study study also no use wan, need to think! thats why i keep tell u people...........etc etc etc"

"so how? study already? want to discuss? or dont want to discuss already?

" so how? any questions? no questions? then i ask u questions"

got questions ask u also no use. ask like not asking. cause he will ask me to go back and read and find :S

"dont answer back! when i say u are wrong means u are wrong. definitely there are reasons. go back and check!"

"i know u are keen to learn. but really, ur knowledge is way below standard. next time please check with me before u do any intervention! u think ure so smart huh? bla bla bla"

i didnt do any intervention of my own. i didnt suggest anything of my own. i suggested what he had suggested to the HO. furthermore, the HO referred to her specialist before ordering the drug. and i never thought i was smart. i never said or acted like i know a lot. i always said i am dumb. i wasnt confident at all in clinical so how could i go about offering people my views? i kept quiet most of the time. so i felt a lil useless, following the doctors on round. i DONT know how to do intervention. i dont know what dose is right. what is wrong.

i did do a few silly mistakes like telling the doctor Tablet azithromycin is 500mg od and IV is 400mg od. damn! i even said I AM SURE about this! -_-'''

why want to memorize so many guideline? why need to?

i havent even had time to read about baby signing which im suppose to do with kayjay and now i need to memorize guidelines.

btw, we dont do that in our uni duh. so dont expect everyone to be the same.

and not everyone study everyday when they go home NOW. we have a life. unlike you. you shouldnt force people to lead the same lifestyle as u. what about my son? who will play with him when he comes home? i should ditch him and memorize guideline for u? who will plan what meals to prepare for kayjay?

your experience did contribute to your knowledge today, dont deny that!

ok, that is all about this. i want to blog about kayjay next! =)