selfconflict

caught in between. dilemma

this happens to everyone.

like now, hb is out with friends while im home, spreading both my feets, each touching one corner of the bed, with a roll of tissue beside and astro-on-demand playing in the background. KJ is with babysis despite today being a public holiday.

part of me wants to go shopping, another part of me needs the rest.

it is ME-time!! a long awaited luxury! i kid u not!

im down with flu.

ive just realized that i havent gotten a long-uninterrupted peaceful sleep, for a very very long time.

i almost thought of giving up breastfeeding last night.

it was difficult, with blocked nose and throbbing head. i wanted to stay home after sending kayjay over to babysis's house so that i could replace irreplaceable-sleep. but it is hub's birthday! i couldnt be a spoiler as we have dated to have breakie with ah kong and william at Gunters. the buffet breakfast was BAD. yuck! rm8 per person, what do i expect? ehee. the staff- ah gua- was smitten by hub. which was really funny! he threw many lines at hub and when hub waved goodbye at the end, he even mouthed LOVE U! lols!

anyway,
i need to talk about breastfeeding.
bf-ing is really not easy.
u need to give up on many things.

on social life
cant take part in medical camp
cant do sports
say bye bye to vanity?
wear breastfeeding-friendly attire

hence i always dont understand how the working moms do it. they can be so well-groomed while managing their house well, together with having well behaved, cleanly groomed kids [sometimes u see well-worn parents lugging around dirty children. what an eye-sore]

well, these parents have my utmost respect

if i stop bf-ing, i could do sports -> better body? haha
i could read novels, read magazines, i could study and score better (prp), less stress. go for facials. wear dresses. u cant wear dress when breastfeeding. how to? pull up the dress, all the way up to the chest? lols! unless if u can pull down the shoulder strap.
i would also have more time to do household chores, wouldnt i? i should stop feeling guilty, giving directions to hub to clean the house. i hope he wont hangat hangat tahi ayam and would continuously have the omph to do the cleaning EVERY WEEK! =)

but kayjay would have less antibodies, weaker health *touch wood* less bonding. perhaps dont want to come to me as often as compared to babysitter? he would lunged towards babysis each time she extends her palms or calls out to KJ


anyway, happy birthday hub. ive surprised u with ipad, so wont be doing anything today. furthermore, im sick! u should serve me :p

KAYJAY's NEW HAIR CUT
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popo cut

mohawk -ah beng wannabe!

conflict
he is so cute
irresistible
but yet becoming cranky
repels me a little
bad mommy!!