when i was a clinical pharmacist

omg! found this in my mailbox and since I've typed it a complete story, might as well post it although it was dated way back in Oct 2010!! lols!

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venue: pharmacy office

i know i shouldnt be doing this but i really can't help it. i dont know where to turn to .

im at the verge of breaking down

clinical is drivnig me nuts. it makes me feel like im the most idiotic living person. he would go "U SEE, i ask u to read before u come. i gave u time to prepare (he gave me a list of things that i should do 2-3 months back) so that when u come to situations like this, we can discuss. what parameters to look at. u see? now u dont know anything, how do i discuss with u? how do u know what lab test to look at?

u should read up. u need to think lke the doctors."

firstly, i would like to read. but i also want to read up about parenting, about how to start teaching my son sign language - baby sign. i also need to read up on a lot of things like what to feed my son. look up in the internet why my son dislikes my cooking.

so it regrets me to the core that i dont have a strong basic. ive whiled away my uni days. i didnt build a strong foundation. given a chance,i would want to turn back time and reverse many other things.

next, to aggravate the current situation, my hb had to disappoint me again. we have been discussing about the same issue during courting days, or atleast it matters to me, i am the one having this issue. i said this because i dont thinik this bothers him at all. another problem is, i dont even know if he knows this is bothering me and i am quite particular about it. that is responsiblity, u need to be accountable. doesnt matter if it is about ur partner, if it is family or work. so u tell me u are responsible in uni. u are a class rep. hence u are accountable. huh? if u are accountable in uni, why cant u be accountable at home? so u prioritize and hence put work before home?

if u are a responsible person, do u, or can u actually choose which 'issue' to be acocuntable?

what are u talking about?

before i am in clinical, i already know that im doomed. my future in my profession is doomed. but being in clinical is like slapping myself awake everyday, telling me how disabled i am.

i am so so free, under this preceptor, after rounds, he let me do my own thing. so my day goes like this. reach work place about 7.30am, flip through the case notes of a few front patients, then 8am when he comes, tag along like a dog, staring at pts, look at what SN is doing. then specialist comes, follow them with an empty brain, like a dog, sniffing through the case notes. end of round. specialist cabut, frp cabut. i quickly clerk case without knowing what is really happening. i clerk for the sake of clerking, so that i can achieve the target and hand in the forms at the end of the rotation. when im done with them? i go and prepare meals for my son, that is to pump milk. then? i dont know what else to do. well, as for today, i came to the office, and read up on certain things. and here i am, blogging away.

i feel like going home. like who knows if i do that? haih. but i know is it ethically incorrect.

oh, 12.45pm, time to go! byee !

Update: 17th Feb 2012

guys, i was actually contemplating if i should remove the family affair paragraph.

we are in our third year of marriage and that is a history now :) glad to be saying this.

we've talked through it and i've believed that home/ us is his first prioritization. well, since it is already there, might as well just let it remained as it is. look at it positively, learn from my story. ;)

kiss daddy

tongue exercise

playing with my butterfly ring