Friday 30 May 2008

not a pocketful of sunshine

i dont understand.
why do most of the fights arise while driving. or more precisely, when he is driving?
as much as i want to rant and rave about driving! i'd spare you the details nxt time! because im very much on flame at this very second.
i am a very short tempered person.
i try to be nice and explain but if you still dont get it, i can no longer retain my impatience and thus explode!

it confuse the hell out of me because i do not understand why all this fighting could happen in a relationship where two people think that they are in love.

ive asked him before if he thinks im a cry baby.

i didnt want to cry those times that i did. i hate myself when it happens. 

i reckoned i never cry so much in my life.

i got IMMENSELY envious when people rave about their loved ones, be it in the blogs or hearing them first hand.
after that, i would ponder and start to doubt. why dont i feel the same?

i wondered if this was a compatibility issue .perhaps we just weren’t right for each other if i could keep disagreeing like this all the time. or was it my fault that i am headstrong, difficult and vocal about my views. 

just last week, i cried again. and i told myself, why do we need to put ourselves in such pain? do we really need to follow through the ordeal that we've sign up to?


never mind i comfort myself. i will gain from the journey. life's a pilgrimage.

i will be smarter and more matured, if not wiser.

my expectation is high. albeit that, im aware of my own qualification.

this only leads me to more confusion and dilemma.

has love shaped me into a nastier person?

i also hate it when trivial matters can easily drives me up the wall.

im mindful that perfection does not exist. but can i forego once and for all, ALL the expectations that have shaped my mind for the past 23 years?

before i took the giant stride and dove into the cave, i naively thought that i could change. he could change. i thought that we could work as a team to beautify the cave, to light it up. guess it was all wrong. i have mistaken.

what was i thinking back then before i dive? the more i think, the more disconcerting it becomes.

for all that, i liked the fact that he would try to reconcile and broach about the issues before night falls.

another episode that u may find amusing. the closing of the war would usually involve him admitting that it was entirely his fault and i would object saying that it was mine. so another fight ensued....

duh! just kidding about the last sentence :S

well, at the end of the day, i guess it is a question of if i am strong enough to withstand this trial on top of all the others?

tell me im mean.

c'mon. say it.

sidenote: Take a bow by rihanna is so comforting.

10 comments:

yieng said...

eh, wth. i just wrote a pong comment but terpadam by blogspot, wth!!

anyway, i realise people normally only talk about the brighter side of their relationship with friends cause it is just right to do so. you won't wanna go spoil your friends' day by ranting on and on right? plus, the sad and complaints are normally reserved for real close friends la sebab the explaining will be panjang lebar. lol. so what you hear might not be the full picture.

come to think about the emotional uproar, i never feel so about people i don't care or bother. it only happens when it involves people i love, people i care about. you where got cry for the classmate who sits 3 thousand rows away from you wan? so it is only right to assume that people who are important to us manage to stir something up within. so rest assured la, at least i think you are in love..

yieng said...

*long not pong

weithian said...

1. Quoted by yieng. Yeah. what you hear might not be the full picture. Agree.

2.you are in love. haha! BUT...

you know what is the "..." LOL

Everything is fine :) cheers!

Mindytsc said...

Yes! you r in love, lovey dovey!
the reasons why you r complaining now is b'coz you r 1 of the perfectionists out thr!"

you want every single thing 2be so perfect till....

Sometimes,you will need to tolerate the intolerable! Coz u jz can't slap his face and ask him 2shut his bloody mouth up rite?

Let me teach u sumtin,list down the good side and bad side bout him, then u will feel much happier if he has more of the goodssss than bads! Cheers.....

curiositykills said...

yieng:
ive replied you the other day. told u that he wanted to belanja u :) so u can sorta say that he owe u a meal? ekekeke
thanks a ton! :) very true to what uve said. thanks thanks! =)

thian:
fine it is! :) thank you too! =) really...:) hugs
well, i only NOT take hugs when im w.o protection. braless! WAHAHAHAHHAH!

mindy:
slap his face? ahahHAH! this? coming from you??? wow!!!! =))) ahaahahha! btw, how i wish i could though! *grin*
and nope, no, u shouldnt ask me to make the list. not the list please. =)
anyhow, thanks a lot too!
i just need to swallow the fact that the is no perfection on earth. i cant keep want the "UNWANTABLE", the non-existence, or the Utopian fantasy illustrated in story books.

im telling you, story books are actually wicked to some extent.
:p

:)

kxin said...

eh i left out this post... mayb coz this post no photo and i'm lazy and busy that period of time haha!


currently lazy to read... so deep... and i'm too sleepy to understand, will comment next time ;)

have a great time in Scotland! Ciao~

curiositykills said...

ini macam pun boleh kah? :S
hee

kxin said...

hey what song in ur blog? so nice!!! lively and jazz feeling!!! what title? can't find the audio button oso!! really SUPERB!! ngam my feeling now!! haha
duup duup duup!

wei seriously ma my english not my main language... must super concentrate to understand >.< somemore u write so deep! Now still lazy!! just online for relax! last paper to study! + i am in a happy mood dun want read "UN"-sunshine post of urs haha!!! later la! wakakaka

reply ur this type of post must wait till midnight when i am emo and hyper haha now only8pm too earl >.<

kxin said...

omg its not ur blog building haha! i open two browser!! its from club med web site -.-
listen to the music! superb la the music! Only the main page got music i guess... really must listen

http://www.clubmed.com/cgibin/clubmed55/SP/jsp/clubmed_welcome.jsp

kxin said...

blog building pulak ~ =.= blog music i mean! sorry for spamming haha


hey i just realised i bring quite a numbers of bloggers to ur blog thru my HK blog link lolz!

must listen to the club med music! makes u "Sunshine" haha really nice!

Back to study! Adios!