not a pocketful of sunshine

i dont understand.

why do most of the fights arise while driving. or more precisely, when he is driving?

as much as i want to rant and rave about driving! i'd spare you the details nxt time! because im very much on flame at this very second.

i am a very short tempered person.

i try to be nice and explain but if you still dont get it, i can no longer retain my impatience and thus explode!

it confuse the hell out of me because i do not understand why all this fighting could happen in a relationship where two people think that they are in love.

ive asked him before if he thinks im a cry baby.

i didnt want to cry those times that i did. i hate myself when it happens. 

i reckoned i never cry so much in my life.

i got IMMENSELY envious when people rave about their loved ones, be it in the blogs or hearing them first hand.

after that, i would ponder and start to doubt. why dont i feel the same?

i wondered if this was a compatibility issue .perhaps we just weren’t right for each other if i could keep disagreeing like this all the time. or was it my fault that i am headstrong, difficult and vocal about my views. 

just last week, i cried again. and i told myself, why do we need to put ourselves in such pain? do we really need to follow through the ordeal that we've sign up to?

never mind i comfort myself. i will gain from the journey. life's a pilgrimage.

i will be smarter and more matured, if not wiser.

my expectation is high. albeit that, im aware of my own qualification.

this only leads me to more confusion and dilemma.

has love shaped me into a nastier person?

i also hate it when trivial matters can easily drives me up the wall.

im mindful that perfection does not exist. but can i forego once and for all, ALL the expectations that have shaped my mind for the past 23 years?

before i took the giant stride and dove into the cave, i naively thought that i could change. he could change. i thought that we could work as a team to beautify the cave, to light it up. guess it was all wrong. i have mistaken.

what was i thinking back then before i dive? the more i think, the more disconcerting it becomes.

for all that, i liked the fact that he would try to reconcile and broach about the issues before night falls.

another episode that u may find amusing. the closing of the war would usually involve him admitting that it was entirely his fault and i would object saying that it was mine. so another fight ensued....

duh! just kidding about the last sentence :S

well, at the end of the day, i guess it is a question of if i am strong enough to withstand this trial on top of all the others?

tell me im mean.

c'mon. say it.

sidenote: Take a bow by rihanna is so comforting.