tranquility

the number of times that ive cried for one's life, for souls, when they go to their last resting place are countable. first was my dog, my first dog, which was given to me by my primary school english teacher, madam kong. it was a white fluffy dog. but i forgot his name. damn myself. i was in penang when he died. next was my friend, cs's mom. i do not know her mom, have never seen her but when i was notified of the news, i cried. could vividly remember that i was in kedah and mom was stunned when she saw my cry. third time was nian ning. i thought it was a joke when pei chuen texted me on that night itself. i was in vista. i refuse to believe it. when it was confirmed, and double confirmed again in facebook, i wept. could not digest how life can be so cruel. what is life all about. why things happen. there are reasons for everything. there are no reasons for everything. and now it happens again. daniel is gone. is this part of life? once more,i searched for reasons. this IS life. people come and go. this is the reality, the nasty and brutal truth that comes with the beauty life. that everyone has to accept. if you are in the game, u need to accept the rules and regulations. it is as simple as that. everything comes with a price. this is why we have colours. why we do not only have the bright colours, but also the dark ones. we can mix and match to get another spectrum of colours of our choice. we can cry we can mourn but we still need to move on and not seek for answers which have no answers, non-existing, ZILCH. there isnt anyone to be blamed. it is futile to look for someone or something to take the blame when things doesnt go according to plan. things doesnt work this way. does this mean that we should refrain ourselves in making plans ahead of us and to dream? to prevent ourselves from further disappointments and unnecessary heartbreaks? i would deemed it as unhealthy not to have dreams and expectations and demands. but it should be in moderation. everything should be in balanced and not on any extreme ends of the graph, the outliers.

im sorry to hear this.

again, i would like to send my condolence to daniel and his family.

despite all the tragic that happens around us, try looking for happy ones. there will always be a balance of both, so it boils down to whether if we want to put more weight on which side of the scale. my friends, many of them, are getting married this year. aren't they good news to be rejoiced? i would like to send my sincere congratulations to them as i could not make it to all 3 of their wedding. one came as a total shock to me, but i really do hope that everything would be as dreamed. she is my bestie whom my mom kinda fancy and suggested me to intro to my brother. initially there were supposed to be 4 weddings, but now 1 was cancelled. again, life takes its course on its own and we have no authority to amend or even question things. so why want to pick on it and wear it on your sleeve? so i'd like to congrats them and it's time to go shop for wedding gifts!

~peace~

goodnight